“I’ve struggled most of my life with feeling like I’m not good enough, so I’d say I might have lived in that space for decades,” Dr. laughs. Mandy Lehto, former executive of an international investment company. Bank with a PhD from the University of Cambridge and now a certified coach, author and award-winning corporate image consultant.
Today we’re here to talk about Mandy’s Enough podcast, “a mishmash of deeply human conversations and expert advice on trading with perfectionism, pleasing people and over-achieving for a juicier, simpler life.”
Mandy’s mission is to empower women ready to redefine success. “Joy and satisfaction increase when you are fully engaged with yourself and actively shape your life.”
Here we talk to Mandy about how to beat impostor syndrome and feel happier.
Not always. It can also come from a place where you are only praised for your achievements. You can also get permission to “adult”. The message is don’t be messy, don’t be needy, don’t push me, don’t be a nuisance, don’t embarrass me, and don’t make a scene in any way. In other words, you learn to please parents by behaving well.
Over time you learn to control yourself and often you take the punishment and start doing it to yourself. Blaming yourself is internalized and is the lens through which you look at your life, your contribution, and your impact.
One of my favorite quotes comes from writer Elizabeth Gilbert, who says that in order to make a difference, “We have to get tired of our own bullshit.” You need to become self-aware and start noticing your own nonsense.
This technique also enables you to get rid of thoughts, so that thoughts disappear faster. It’s not about making those thoughts go away, it’s about finding a new way to deal with them. And we’ve heard this advice a thousand times, but actually applying it makes all the difference. Talk to yourself as if you were your best friend – your best friend will probably talk to you with humor and kindness. try that
Break the big scary project into small baby steps. So let’s say you’ve decided to write a book, break it down into the smallest steps you can – do you promise to write a paragraph every day, even a sentence? “Put a book on your to-do list” feels overwhelming and then the inner critic kicks in. So if you decide to write one sentence, chances are that one or two more will follow. Don’t focus on the big thing and get lazy and produce nothing. Focus on the small steps.
The other thing you can do is surround yourself with other people who will encourage and support you because you can’t always trust yourself. When the “not good enough” voice is heard, it helps other people drive their cars around you and remind you of your potential, your skills and your track record. They can’t see you with the distorted lenses you have. Surround yourself with other people who don’t buy into your BS story, who remind you of who you really are.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting and striving for more, but recognizing that every achievement, brilliant deal, award, bonus, or promotion doesn’t make you feel like you’re enough. You don’t need anything from the outside to feel whole.
The problem we can face is that when we achieve something, and it feels good, we become addicted to the dopamine hit. So we are constantly scanning the horizon for more or better. But what happens is that you can’t enjoy the present because you’re always looking to the future and wondering, “Now what?” Either you get the bonus, or the relationship, or you lose weight, or you buy the shiny thing and definitely think you should feel “enough” by now.
But it’s a hall of mirrors, because there’s always the next thing. It’s about creating a practice of being in the present. Life takes place in the present. If we constantly focus on the future, there will never be happiness or satisfaction. Happiness can only be felt in this moment, here and now. It’s helpful to learn how to hack your own dopamine receptors by seeking shared pleasures. Take it easy, enjoy that cup of coffee, enjoy that conversation.
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I am a highly experienced and well-connected journalist, with a focus on healthcare news. I have worked for several major news outlets, and currently work as an author at 24 news recorder. My work has been featured in many prestigious publications, and I have a wide network of contacts in the healthcare industry. I am highly passionate about my work, and strive to provide accurate and timely information to my readers.