‘You’re Just Torn in Two’: How the Unpaid Caregiver Crisis Disproportionately Affects Women

From mothers giving up their careers to care for their little ones, to workers forced to work even longer before they can retire, there are just as many different types of the cost-of-living crisis that disproportionately affect women.

But there’s another big problem facing women across the country – one that without awareness and without more money will only get bigger and more devastating.

Recent ONS data shows that one in ten women in the UK are now in unpaid care work. It is also a problem that undeniably affects more women than men.

According to the 2021 census, of the five million people providing unpaid care in England and Wales, three million are women.

Similarly, previous research published by Carers UK shows that every day 300 women quit their jobs to care for a loved one who is elderly, disabled or seriously ill.

And the cost of an unpaid caregiver is high – not just as a financial toll as some are forced to reduce their hours, but also an emotional toll.

“There’s an expression ‘no good deed goes unpunished’ and I feel like that’s the life of an unpaid carer,” Lydia Gill* from Faversham, Kent, tells Metro.co.uk.

The 44-year-old lives with her husband and two children, aged eight and six, but cares for her grandfather, who has Alzheimer’s disease, as her aunt and father do not live in the UK.

Lydia’s grandfather still lives in his own house in Surrey and is quite mobile – so he has a care team to take care of the daily chores, such as checking meals and giving medicines, while the 44-year-old takes care of everything else for him cares.

The mother of two, who works full-time as a researcher, says: “It’s just a constant to-do list. And frankly, every day there’s an exception – whether it’s calling the pharmacy, arranging patient transport for an appointment, or HSBC saying they gave their bank details to someone who set up a fraudulent direct debit or to call a neighbor because the battery is a little low.

“That’s what really pisses me off just because it’s so time-consuming — the whole management.”

But Lydia emphasizes that emotional energy also has a huge impact.

She continues: “Dementia is a particularly cruel disease as my grandfather actively dislikes, as he puts it, the ‘interference we do’ – but it’s all for him to do as he prefers to stay home.

“In trying to accommodate his wishes, I made myself the villain of the play. It is very difficult emotionally to work so hard for someone who, due to the nature of his illness, is not even grateful.”

Lydia says she also worries about the future – in terms of time to care for her grandfather and the high cost of a nursing home.

She explains: “I can’t work part-time. I am quite overwhelmed – for several reasons. I have two kids so I would have if there was an option to work part time – but I can’t. This is just our annual accounts.

“My only option is to find more hours in the day, not less paid work, to make room for it. I have to do it on the margins: I do it evenings and weekends – there is no other version of events than holidays (which I often have to account for) I have to take time off to cover those unforeseen events He ended up in the hospital a few times and for that I had to say goodbye.

The average care home prince costs £600 a week, according to the NHS, compared to £800 for a care home. But of course you have to find a place somewhere.

Lydia, who had recently done research on the cost of care homes, said she was shocked to see that the homes available with the lowest quality ratings are still around £1,000 a week.

She adds: “He has more money to pay for his care, but on a £1,000 a week basis you don’t have to be a math genius to calculate that you won’t be in hospital for long. is frightening to me.

“I don’t really understand what happens when that money runs out, I really don’t understand.”

I have no time for myself at all

This is strongly confirmed by Rose Edwards*, a 64-year-old full-time teacher from North London. She has been taking care of her father Robert, 98, for the past 10 years.

Robert, who has Alzheimer’s, still lives in his own house – but Rose visits every day with a care facility to provide extra support.

She says: “I work full time as a teacher – that’s actually 10 hours a day – then I’m busy for three hours in the evening. My dad only gets five and a half hours of social care a week because we were rejected for ongoing care – even though he is now terminally ill (from bladder cancer).

“I don’t have time for myself at all, I have 14 hours a day and I do that on weekends too. I do all the paperwork, troubleshooting around the house, running errands, bills and a lot of his maintenance.

“Even if he receives health care allowance, it doesn’t even cover half of it.

“I use my savings to support the care he doesn’t get, even though he has a pension loan.

“There is not nearly enough support for informal carers. The starting point is that those who want to take care of their parents do so because not enough is being given.”

Nicola James* from London also agrees that informal carers are not sufficiently supported.

The 55-year-old media executive at a law firm describes the life of an unpaid caregiver as “putting out fires all the time”.

“You just can’t relax, the lack of time and the stress are increasing,” she says.

Her elderly father began to physically deteriorate 18 months ago, after his wife’s death, and has been hospitalized a number of times after falling at home.

You are stretched everywhere. You’re trying to keep your job and you don’t want to tell your employer

Nicola and her sister then had to juggle caring for their father until they could find him a foster home – which meant traveling from London to Bournemouth every week to be with him.

Nicola says: “It’s just heartbreaking and you’re torn. You are stretched everywhere. You’re trying to keep your job and you don’t want to tell your employer. Luckily I’m close to my sister so we help each other – but you just have emotional and practical chaos where you don’t know what to do.

“You’re just torn in half — you’re trying to keep your job and trying to figure out how to afford all this.”

Nicola still has her father’s house in Bournemouth, where the bills are now mounting. But emphasizes that she struggles with the idea of ​​selling it.

She adds: “We have this property that is vacant and you have these bills that you fund each other.

“What keeps many people in care homes going is the belief that they can go home, but they can’t sell their house – just like you can’t sell the house without telling them.

“You don’t know how long your parents will need paid care – it’s scary when you have bills and you don’t really know how long it’s going to take.

“You are called upon to manage finances when you are going through very difficult emotions, which is why I advise people to prepare early. It made me cry, it’s so hard.’

Lydia, Rose and Nicola are not alone.

Her stories, along with thousands of others, highlight the cost-of-living crisis that is disproportionately affecting women in the UK as they bear most of the unpaid care responsibilities.

And it’s a problem that just isn’t sustainable.

“We are now at the tipping point of a health crisis in the UK, with more people than ever providing unpaid care for a loved one, juggling work and family responsibilities with the higher cost of living,” explains Chris. Donnelly, co-founder of Seniorcare By Lottie, an employee benefits solution for seniors.

“The government urgently needs to recognize the unpaid care crisis that is unfolding: all unpaid care workers – salaried and self-employed – need financial, social and practical support. It is not enough to acknowledge the crisis; We need clear guidance on the support available.

“We urgently need to raise awareness of the pressures faced by the UK workforce, who take on caring responsibilities every day.”

But what would this look like?

Carers UK is calling on the government to invest more sustainable funds in our social care system to better support carers and the people they care for.

Helen Walker, CEO of Carers UK, tells Metro.co.uk: “Carer’s Allowance (only £69.70 a week for someone providing 35 hours of care or more) should also be increased so that female carers don’t find out they fall into poverty and put their lives on hold.

The Carer’s Leave Bill is currently before the House of Lords and, if successful, would give workers across the UK a groundbreaking new right to take up to one week of unpaid carers’ leave.

“This will be a critical step forward in helping working women cope with the pressures of juggling those two roles.”

*Some surnames have been changed.