Have you shared too much with your boss? You have to be that transparent

Some of us keep to ourselves, others are open books.

But if you’re an oversharer, keeping the details of your life under wraps probably isn’t an option.

From sharing your failed ASOS order to explaining what happened on that first date, “private” isn’t in your dictionary.

But when it comes to workplace relationships, it can be hard to naturally overshare, especially if you think of yourself as your boss’s sidekick.

What can you share and when is it TMI? And can you talk to your manager outside of work and expect it to have no impact on your professional life?

In particular, what should you do if you think you’ve gone too far with the person who dropped your paycheck?

Liz Villani is the founder of #BeYourselfAtWork, a global movement dedicated to creating a new narrative about how we work.

She says when it comes to your relationship with your boss, it’s all about that balance of “authenticity and openness and professionalism.”

What to share with your boss

First, Liz says it’s okay to say how you feel. “Actually, not enough people share how they feel. Whether they’re excited or tired,” Liz tells Metro.

It is also important to share your ideas and ambitions.

Liz says, “Have the courage to do it. So many of us don’t share our aspirations and then we wonder why others are promoting before us.”

Some people tend to keep their personal office challenges to themselves, but Liz insists that if they affect your work, it’s okay to share them.

“If you’re not comfortable that day, people may interpret it differently. So if something happened outside of work, let them know.”

What you should never share with your boss

The main thing to avoid, according to Liz, is “chat for the sake of it.”

She says, “It seems like you have no confidence and it seems like you have no control over what you’re doing.

“It’s fine to solve problems, but going on a rampage for the sake of it is a waste of time and makes you come across as negative.”

Another no, no, is gossip. It can be tricky, who doesn’t like to share a secret or two every now and then?

But Liz says, “Never gossip about others. There’s enough of this toxicity already. If they start clapping, change the subject.”

Self-deprecation is another thing you should never practice in front of your boss.

Liz says, “Never make yourself small in front of your boss. You wouldn’t buy your favorite brand if they said ‘We’re terrible, by the way,’ so you won’t get a promotion at work if you do.

“Make yourself great, don’t humble yourself.”

Do you want to share your personal life with your boss?

Liz agrees to “blur the boundaries of personal life”.

“A real relationship at work means you can talk about all kinds of challenges that come up in the workplace and you have that trust between you two,” explains Liz.

“That trust often comes from knowing a little more about each other and spending more time together.

“It would be quite unusual if you didn’t know about your boss — your spouse’s name or your children’s name — and vice versa.”

Liz adds, “If you say, ‘I had a date last night, I really love him, do you want me to see him again on Friday?’ your boss may be touched when you tell him that.”

Can you share more with your boss outside the office?

“When you go outside of work and you’re with your co-workers, I’d always advise staying yourself,” says Liz.

But be the best version of yourself. The people in this room are still your colleagues, they’ll promote you – those things don’t change because you’re unemployed.”

And if you get a little messy in front of your boss one night and you both have to go to work the next day, don’t whine about it.

Liz says, “The positive exercise would be, ‘Oh my God, I had a great night last night, but today I’m still pumping it up.'”

What to do if you’ve shared too much

Liz says the first question to ask yourself is, “Have I really shared too much?”

“We’re all really good at worrying,” says Liz. “We’re all worried. We can’t let it go, and it goes on and on in our minds because we’re all self-conscious inside.

“We can turn a molehill into a mountain very quickly, but the reality may be very different.

“You may think you’ve shared too much, but are you? Because actually, you can probably tell your boss more than you think without it hurting you, because that’s just humanity and authenticity.

“Often your perception is amplified and it doesn’t match the reality of the situation.”

So once you’ve determined there really is a problem, what do you do when you actually say something to your manager?

“If you feel like you’ve shared too much and it’s negative, it’s best to apologize,” advises Liz.

“If you’ve shared too much, you feel inappropriate or disrespected. The best thing you can do is say why you shared too much.”

“Maybe to say ‘I was tired, I wasn’t thinking’ or ‘I had too much to drink’, ‘I’ve had a long day and I was really worried about something and it won’t happen again.’

The Liz says, “Let it go.”

“Draw a line under it. Almost everyone has said or done something in their career that they regret,” she adds.

“If you let it sit inside, you worry even more about how you come across. You become less authentic and less committed and excited.”