“Like Molly-Mae, I stopped breastfeeding after only a few weeks – that’s no shame”

Before I had a baby of my own, I assumed breastfeeding would come naturally.

When the group’s nutritionist squeezed a knitted breast during childbirth class, we all laughed and thought there wasn’t much more to it. But for me, breastfeeding was not a positive experience.

This week, Love Island’s Molly-Mae Hague faced backlash after revealing in a YouTube video that she had ended her breastfeeding journey six weeks after giving birth. Like her – and many others – I have been criticized for not continuing to breastfeed.

My own breastfeeding experience actually lasted seven months, which I now realize is actually quite a long time. By the time a baby is six months old, only 1% of mothers in the UK are still breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding has really taken a toll on my mental health. My son was born prematurely and was tube fed for the first three weeks of life, so feeding was not a “requirement”.

When we came home from the hospital, our fights continued; I paid for a private lactation consultant to diagnose tongue tie in my baby. Once that was sorted out I assumed things would get better – but it didn’t.

The stress led to supply problems, his docking did not improve and although he consulted various experts and services, the physical and psychological pain took its toll on me.

Even after a night in the ER with my baby vomiting blood—which turned out to be coming from my damaged nipples—I refused to stop, mostly because I was so concerned about what people would think and the criticism I’d face.

I kept struggling with the idea that what I was doing was the ‘right thing’, but as each feeding or pumping session hurt me and I started taking supplements to solve supply issues, I started to wonder to ask who I was, what that really meant.

Unfortunately, my experience is not uncommon, and breastfeeding can be very divisive when new moms are under pressure to breastfeed.

“I think being involved in the breastfeeding journey and being able to provide sensitive, constructive feedback about the bonding process and feeding regimen to new mothers should be done in a positive way,” says Dr. Milli Raizada, general practitioner, health educator and advocate.

“The physical and mental health of both mother and child should be paramount when discussing these issues.”

“Many people have reasons or preferences not to breastfeed. We must be supportive, respectful and non-judgmental to individuals and families making this decision as it can be a complex and deeply personal decision.”

In addition to milk supply issues, as Molly Mae has learned, there are many other challenges new moms face that can make breastfeeding difficult.

“A big problem is the mother’s stress and lack of sleep, which increases the stress hormone cortisol and decreases milk production,” says Dr Milli.

“Poor attachment to the breast, which can cause pain and infection of breast tissue (mastitis), may also contribute.”

“I tried breastfeeding for five weeks,” explains Grace Gibson-Venner, 38, a mother of one from Ashford, Kent. “But my breastfeeding problems started the first day after TJ arrived.

“We had a hard time latching on for the first 24 hours, in part because I discovered I have very flat nipples, nothing like the supple shape and size we’ve seen on the breasts on NCT or in a breastfeeding guide or book.” I read.

“TJ was subsequently diagnosed with a tongue tie, further increasing the time between birth and ‘successful’ latch. We held on for the next three weeks, but had to give our very hungry little boy a fight at every feeding time when all he needed was food. It felt like I was letting my baby down and upset him so much when I tried to breastfeed him, so stopping was the right decision for all of us.”

Many mothers who stop breastfeeding feel that they are to blame in some way, and these feelings can lead to guilt or failure.

For Charlotte Maltby, 33, from Chelmsford, Essex, a difficult end to her pregnancy and a lack of support to start breastfeeding meant she stopped breastfeeding when her daughter Penny was eight weeks old. Under pressure from others, she questioned her decision, but she believes she had to trust her instincts – and her baby’s.

“I went to see an osteopath when Penny was three weeks old and they made a lot of comments about breastfeeding being the solution to all my problems,” she explains.

“I left that appointment very sad and loved less of a mom because she wasn’t breastfeeding. By then my hormones were going wild and I was feeling rejected by my baby. I now know my daughter had a dairy allergy and it wasn’t my guilt. Sometimes I wonder if I could have persevered longer. But over time I have also been able to see the many benefits of bottle feeding. And I stand by the fact that my baby knew what she wanted and I commend myself that I listened to her.”

Although easier said than done, Dr. Milli suggests that mothers who stop breastfeeding should be kind to themselves.

“Whether you decide not to breastfeed or can’t for various reasons, be kind to yourself and remember that your reasons are valid. Trust that your baby is getting her nutritional needs from other meals as well, and you’ll still have a strong bond form a relationship with her through eye contact, touch, and responding to her signals.

And if you decide it’s time to stop?

“Reducing and gradually reducing the number of breast-feeds is best for reducing breast milk intake and avoiding complications such as swollen breasts,” advises Dr. milli.

“You may want some support from the breastfeeding team at this point to provide advice on managing engorgement with breast or manual pump discharge, which can be a problem if you suddenly stop breastfeeding.”

Information on baby food support is available on the NHS website.