Louise Spence has been helping people with cancer for almost 30 years (Photo: supplied)

When patients feel unable to open up to their loved ones during strenuous treatment, Louise Spence intervenes.

The trained cancer nurse has been helping people living (and dying) with the disease cope with their diagnosis since 1995 and now works as a clinical case manager in oncology.

During her career she worked at the Royal Marsden and the Christie in Manchester, one of the largest cancer treatment centers in Europe, and since 2005 she has brought her patient-centred care to Bupa UK.

Louise tells Metro.co.uk: ‘In my career I have spent a lot of time with people affected by cancer, at various stages of their diagnosis and treatment.’ When patients feel unable to interact with their loved ones. , it is an honor to listen to them, answer their questions or refer them to others who may be able to help them.

“As you can imagine, some topics can be deeply personal and reveal a range of fears, concerns and wisdom, but there are often recurring themes that unite these types of conversations.”

Professionals like Louise offer us comfort during some of the most difficult moments in our lives, and their experiences can provide unique insights into these moments.

These are the things she hears most often in her work, from the sadness that many patients share at the end of their lives to the memories that stay with us most.

1. “Live in the moment”

“A cancer diagnosis often encourages patients to think about what they are worried about,” says Louise.

We can all be guilty of worrying about the little things, worrying about what could have been, and worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Often we only realize how important it is to enjoy the present when we are confronted with something that changes our lives.

Louise recommends following this advice regardless of your health, adding: “Is this a thing of the past?” If you’re worried about it, will anything change? If the answer is no, it gives patients permission to focus on the here and now rather than the unknown.”

2. “I wish I had spent less time working”

According to Louise, a cancer diagnosis can make people ‘rethink their working lives and the time they spend on their careers’.

She says, “This can leave them wishing they had spent more time doing what they love with their loved ones instead of working.”

While there’s nothing wrong with loving your job or doing what needs to be done to support the family, some things – whether it’s a school play for a child, date nights with your partner or just a cup of tea and a conversation with the parents – also valuable. to miss.

3. “I wish I had gone to the doctor sooner”

Research shows that two-thirds of adults in Britain chose to delay or delay seeing a doctor if they had to go. A worrying 15% said they had done this more than eight times.

Nevertheless, oncology patients regret this the most, because outcomes can be improved by early diagnosis.

Louise says: ‘There are many reasons why someone might not go to the doctor about their symptoms.’ Making an appointment may not seem like their top priority (e.g., they have time-consuming health commitments), or they may be hoping that it will work out. new, spotty symptoms will disappear on their own.

“If you are concerned about changes in your body, I always recommend speaking to a GP as soon as possible. The sooner you do this, the sooner they can be investigated. This can increase the chance of successful treatment or give you peace of mind if it turns out that it is not cancer.”

4. “I knew something was wrong”

It’s also worth advocating for yourself if you feel like you haven’t gotten to the bottom of what’s going on the first time.

“I’ve heard patients say they regret not pushing for an investigation into their symptoms,” says Louise. “If something doesn’t feel right, contact your doctor and get a second opinion if necessary.”

No one knows your body better than you, so don’t ignore persistent warnings.

5. “I worry about how my treatment will change my appearance”

“Typically, patients express concerns about the physical changes their treatment may cause,” says Louise. “They may fear what they will look like and worry about how their loved ones will see them.” In one case, a patient said his child told him he ‘looked like an alien’ – but for Lucky, they saw the funny side!’

Treatments such as chemotherapy can cause hair loss, while certain medications can cause swelling. In addition, it can be difficult to undergo a mastectomy or surgery that changes your appearance.

Fortunately, there are numerous ways to improve body image during and after cancer, from prosthetics to talk therapy. Whether you choose the cosmetic route or learn to love your new self, it’s important to remember that you are so much more than just your appearance; People love you for what you have and want you to get better.

6. “I don’t know who to talk to about my feelings.”

Cancer can be lonely because, in addition to your own worries, you can also internalize those of the people you care about.

“Some patients may find it difficult to talk to their loved ones about the specifics of cancer,” says Louise, emphasizing the importance of expressing your feelings.

She continues, “When you’re going through a lot physically, it may seem like an extra responsibility to take the time to take care of your mental health, but these days it’s just as important.”

“In addition to talking to the patients themselves, I have recommended additional support including talking to nurses and taking advantage of free consultation offers.”

7. “I wish I had spent more time with my kids”

“I’ve heard this before from parents of young children with terminal cancer,” says Louise.

“It’s understandable that parents worry that their children will forget them.” They may be angry because they won’t see their child doing certain things in the future and worry about leaving meaningful things behind.”

She suggests things like memory boxes, letters or cards for important future events so patients feel more connected to their children now and in the future.

But as anyone who has lost someone to cancer will attest, you never forget what he or she meant to you – and the memory of that person will always remain in your heart.