“I forgave my husband’s murderer: our children got married”

To heal you must love: this is what a woman believes who not only forgave the man who murdered her husband 28 years ago during the genocide of Rwandabut also allowed his daughter to marry his son.

Bernadette Mukakabera has been telling her story as part of the Catholic Church’s ongoing efforts to bring reconciliation to a society left divided into 1994 when some 800,000 people were killed in 100 days.

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“Our children had nothing to do with what happened. They just fell in love and nothing should stop people from loving each other,” Bernadette told the BBC.

She and her husband Kabera Vedaste were members of the Tutsi community, persecuted after the plane carrying the Hutu president of Rwanda was shot down on April 6, 1994.

In a matter of hours, thousands of Hutus, indoctrinated by decades of hate propagandawell-organized assassinations began, attacking their Tutsi neighbors throughout the country.

One of them was Gratien Nyaminani, who lived with his family next door to Bernadette’s in Mushaka, in western Rwanda. They were both peasants.

After the end of the massacres, when a Tutsi rebel group seized power, hundreds of thousands of people accused of involvement in the killings were arrested.

Gratien was arrested and eventually tried by one of the community courts, known as gacaca, established to deal with genocide suspects.

In these weekly hearings, the communities were given the opportunity to face the accused and hear and present evidence about what had really happened, and how it had happened.

In Rwanda, community courts known as "gacaca", to deal with genocide suspects. (AFP).

In 2004, Gratien told Bernadette how she had murdered her husband and He apologized. And in that same audience, she decided to forgive him.

For this, Gratien did not have to serve a sentence of 19 years in prison, but a sentence of 2 years of community service.

“I wanted to help”

During the 10 years he was imprisoned before his public apology, Gratien’s family had tried to reconcile with Bernadette and her son Alfred, who was about 14 when his father was killed.

The families of Yankurije and her mother-in-law, Bernadette, have a close bond and are held together by love. (BBC).

Gratien’s daughter, Yankurije Donata, who was about 9 years old at the time of the genocide, began going to Bernadette’s house to help out around the house.

“I decided to go and help Alfred’s mother with the housework and even the farm, because she had no one else to help herconsidering that my father was responsible for her husband’s murder,” she told the BBC.

“I think Alfred fell in love with me when he was helping his mother.”

Bernadette was touched by her consideration: “She helped me knowing well that her father had murdered my husband, she knew that I had no help because my son was in boarding school.”

“I loved her heart and her behavior, this is why I couldn’t resist her becoming my son’s wife.”

But for Gratien it was not so simple. When they told him about the marriage proposal, was skeptical.

“He kept asking why a family he offended so much would want anything to do with his daughter,” Yankurije said.

The couple with their parents, Bernadette, who is carrying her little grandson, and Gratien, on the right

They finally managed to convince him, and he gave his blessing after Bernadette insisted that she didn’t hold a grudge against Yankurije.

“I had no hard feelings towards my daughter-in-law for his father’s actionsBernadette said.

“I felt that she could become the best daughter-in-law because she understood me better than anyone. I convinced my son to marry her.”

The couple married in the local Catholic church in 2008.

It was here that Gratien confessed to the congregation, after completing his community service two years earlier, and asked for forgiveness.

“Without reconciliation, there is no communion”

The church has led efforts to reunite to the communities in the area.

Father Ngoboka Theogene of the Diocese of Cyangugu says that people have embraced the reconciliation program. Other parishes have carried out similar initiatives.

Churches know that people have no choice but to live together, so it is better to do it in peace and with understanding.

“Those who have been accused of crimes of genocide are not allowed to receive the sacrament until they have reconciled with the victim’s family,” explains Father Ngoboka.

The final reconciliation occurs in publicwith the accused and the victim standing side by side.

“The victim extends his hand to the accused as a sign of forgiveness,” he says.

Recently – shortly after Gratien’s death – several people attended an event in Mushaka to mark 28 years since the genocide and find ways to coexist,

“When we talk about change, it does not refer to changing the color of the skin, but of change your bad charactersaid event facilitator Apiane Nangwahabo, from Mushaka parish.

“A change of heart is vital before deciding to live a holy life.”

It was at this event that Bernadette spoke of her son’s marriage to the daughter of her husband’s killer.

“I love my daughter-in-law so much, and I don’t know how I would have survived without her for helping me after my husband died.

He says he is heartened that Alfred and Yankurije’s love story has inspired many more to seek and offer forgiveness.

Source: Elcomercio