September 11: “I didn’t think about anyone but myself”

Even today, when the sky over New York is too blue, like on the morning of September 11, 2001, Maxim is worried. His panic attacks on the subway or on the plane are not just a distant memory. Her demons continue to haunt her. So when people tell Maxim, a brunette in her forties, that she is one of those lucky enough to survive the 9/11 towers, the young woman flinches. “So I don’t talk about it anymore,” she admits. Either way, it’s a topic no one else wants to talk about except every 9/11. But I think about it very often. At 8:46 am, when the first plane crashed into the North Tower, where his office is located on the 17th floor, Maxim had just exited the elevator. “I heard a loud noise. I just said to myself: what are they doing there? she remembers. A rumor immediately reached his ears: a bomb had exploded. Maxim is then ordered, like his colleagues, to leave the building. “And to think that we kept complaining about being on such a low floor with no view of New York. Everyone on our floor survived. However, Maxim is not ready for the scenes of chaos that await her at the foot of the skyscrapers. “Like we took one of those tourist snowballs and shook it. With a lot of smoke. And deafening sounds. I did not immediately understand what it was … until I saw the bodies scattered on the ground. People jumped from the top of the tower. However, Maxim does not have time to react. “I thought everyone was dead except me” The second plane crashes into the South Tower. It’s 9:2. “From that moment on, I can’t say exactly what I did next … I was in complete panic. I may even have pushed people who needed help to get me out of there, she admits, when so many heroes, real or self-proclaimed, were born that day in New York. Colleagues then told me that they saw me running. Usually I can’t run for more than two minutes. When the second tower collapsed at 10:28 am, Maxim was at home in Brooklyn. “I saw her on TV. I then thought that everyone died, except for me, she breathes. And I realized that I did not think about anyone but myself. Years of therapy failed to overcome his guilt. “Today I try to give back. To my loved ones. But I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for what I did that day. »