The 43-year-old woman with a disability who decided to hire a man to have sex for the first time

When Melanie became socially isolated at home Australia Due to the covid-19 pandemic, she made a promise to herself.

Once she was able to get out again, she was going to hire a sex worker, lose her virginity, and put an end to all those anxieties she’d developed as a disabled person about love and intimacy. Chayse was the man she hired.

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The idea was first suggested to him by Melanie’s social worker. When they were living together in isolation, Tracey gave Melanie a massage.

No one had ever touched Melanie in a non-medical way before. and, at 43 years of age, she realized she wanted more.

Tracey, a pseudonym, revealed to Melanie that she had been a sex worker at one time and thought a personal service might be an option for her.

“It just opened my eyes to the fact that maybe I could experience that,” Melanie told BBC Access All, a program that covers disability welfare and interest news.

She found an online escort agency, where a profile of a man named Chayse caught her eye.

Excited, she made an appointment and traveled to her apartment for the first session.

“When I got out of my automated chair and my social worker left, it was just the two of us. I had no idea what to expect.”

Melanie has used a wheelchair since she was three years old, when was diagnosed with inflammation of the spine, a condition known as transverse myelitis. It paralyzes his legs and limits the movement of his arms. She relies on social workers to help her with her daily chores.

She has lived and worked in Japan and is now a video editor, but she never thought of romance. She “she Thought if it happened, it happened.”

Dating someone and opening your life to others can be intimidating, and the world doesn’t always recognize people with disabilities as sexual beings.

According to a UK disability survey published by the government in 2021, only 56% of the general population said they would feel comfortable in an intimate relationship with a person with a disability.

Melanie herself had never been sure how to approach the situation, so she just let it happen to chance.

After contacting Chayse via email, he arranged several video calls for them to meet and discuss potential difficulties.

“I asked a million questions,” says Melanie: “Is your apartment wheelchair accessible? How often does the elevator break in your house?”

“Like once every six months,” Chayse replied.

Chayse, with her back to the camera, with Melanie in her wheelchair. (MELANIE).

For Melanie, Chayse’s responses were good enough to set up a session at her apartment. And, far from being afraid, moved up the date because she was so thrilled with how courteous and attentive Chayse was.

In legal terms, the agreement between Melanie and Chayse was legitimate.

In Western Australia, under the Prostitution Act 2000, it is illegal to perform sex work on the street or to run a brothel, but escort service agencies are legal.

“Sexpectations”

When Melanie arrived at Chayse’s place, she began to understand the magnitude of the situation.

“I knew I had little sexual knowledge and was completely overwhelmed by the expert standing in front of me.”

But as the date unfolded, Melanie had a revelation.

“I’m a disability expert and Chayse had no idea about that. We ended up laughing at each other’s ignorance and innocence. Two hours later we were super close.”

Chayse, who has worked with the union for six years, says “sexpectations” are the biggest problem when it comes to new clients; people put too much emphasis on the guarantee of achieving “the big O” (orgasm).

“You have to figure out what’s going to work,” as with any intimate relationship, she explains.

Before hiring Chayse, Melanie had no idea how her body and mind would respond in an intimate setting, whether she would ever be able to assume a position to interact, or whether fatigue would kill any pleasure.

“That was the whole reason I hired Chayse,” he says. “I didn’t want to come home to a guy I met at a bar and find out these things and feel uncomfortable and vulnerable and insecure.”

Without going any further, he found that he could achieve enough pleasure with Chayse and did not have to set limits.

power and control

Another thing she discovered is that her legs can react unpredictably and “lunge out of bed” and she often needs a physiotherapy session afterwards to cool her legs down.

“I’ve realized that my legs need to be tied to the bed beforehand so there’s no worry,” he says.

This addresses considerations of power and control.

As a disabled woman living in someone else’s home, Melanie is in a more vulnerable position than most.

“It was the first time I was naked in front of a man, outside of a hospital,” she says.

Chayse, who has previously worked with people who have experienced trauma, explains that “creating a safe and nurturing space where she is in control” is her priority.

But it is not only in the inequality of physical power that vulnerability lies. Disability can infantilize people and make them feel unworthy of certain experiences that other people assume as normal; some disabled people call that attitude “ableism” (discrimination against the disabled).

These recent intimate encounters have allowed Melanie to develop more power in every aspect of her life.

“I knew that by hiring Chayse and paying him for a service, I was in control. I knew if Chayse treated me differently or did something I didn’t like he would stop doing it.”

If that happened, she knew she wouldn’t hire him again.

But all that has a financial cost.

“It goes into the thousands,” Chayse says wryly of his 48-hour rate. His price per hour is about US$270.

Justifying the cost, he notes, “What a lot of people don’t understand is that when you’re seeing someone for 48 hours, as rewarding as that may be, you’re not doing other things that you want in life.”

However, he affirms that his work is very satisfactory.

“Who doesn’t want to help other people explore different things? Why can’t I be there for other people who need and want and deserve to feel beautiful?”

“It’s hard not to fall in love with Chayse,” Melanie admits. “But I have to keep in mind that this is a professional relationship.”

Melanie and Chayse have been seeing each other since January, but it’s not just for sex.

Melanie says she hasn’t stopped smiling since her sexual experiences. (MELANIE).

In addition to offering her skills as a sex worker, Chayse has also been consulting with a relationship counselor to see how she can support Melanie through help her develop future romantic friendships with other people.

“I’m looking for a replacement for Chayse. Someone who will love me and love what I like and do it for free,” he says.

“I never thought I would use dating apps and talk to men online and now I do it almost daily. My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner.”

For Melanie, the experience goes beyond sexual release and she has gotten so much out of this ongoing experience that she thinks Governments should pay for and support disabled people’s access to sexual services.

“My confidence has grown so much, I’m happier than ever, and you can’t put a price on that transformative experience.”

And she is also excited to share her new experiences with her friends and family.

“I was a little embarrassed to bring it up at first, but it was such a big change in my life that I couldn’t stop telling people and they are happy for me. I can not stop smiling”.

Source: Elcomercio